Wednesday, December 22, 2010

An adventure in heating. (暖房のアドベンチャー。)

Well, once again I find myself without an exciting event in my life to go into great detail about in a blog post.

Thus, I thought I would go the other way entirely and tell you all about an entirely non-exciting event instead.

Except, of course, I'll do my best to make it as action-packed and thrilling as possible.

Because what would this blog be without unnecessary drama and ridiculous levels of enthusiasm?


Anyway, without further ado, I give you...


(See, even the title looks exciting now!)

(... I also thought that I would give it in step-by-step format, just in case any aspiring soul should care to duplicate the experience. Don't ask me why; it's not like I understand you people.)

1. Attempt to fill up the tank for your fan heater with kerosene from the tank outside, and be dismayed when the automatic pump stops long before you think it should. Realize that yes, you have run out of kerosene, and this is a sad sad thing indeed, as it is December and you are a desert rat with thin blood.

2. Greatly, greatly underestimate how long that half (or so) tank in your fan heater will last you. "I can go a week, come on!" No, no you can't. You can go maybe two days.

3. Feel much more dismay when the "low kerosene" song (yes, song) starts to play late Thursday night. You have taken your shower, and you'll be damned if you're going out to buy kerosene in this state. Tell yourself you'll deal with only your air conditioner's heat setting (which isn't so bad, really) and vow to get some more kerosene in the morning.

4. Go to bed. Tell yourself that it's just your imagination that it feels ten degrees colder already.

5. Wake up at a decent hour. Remember that there's something you need to do. Drag yourself out of your futon, wash your face, brush your teeth, and debate whether or not you really need to get dressed for kerosene purchasing. Decide that you only need jeans, and stick with your pajama tops under two (or three) layers of coat. Put on a hat for good measure.

6. Grab the depressingly light kerosene jug from the shed and pop it in the trunk of your car.

7. Drive towards the Shell gas station, because although you're fairly certain that all gas stations have kerosene, you saw some kindly old lady getting hers filled up by an attendant when you were getting your car serviced at Shell on Thursday. And hey, it's cold. Service counts for a lot.

8. Realize half-way to the station that there are probably five other stations much closer, which would have saved you time. Convince yourself that not having to fill up the tank with your own two hands is worth it.

9. Decide that yes, it is worth it, and stop beating yourself about driving a little further than necessary.

10. Arrive at the station, pull in and roll down your window to talk to an attendant. Be unsure of the process, and thus start with a simple "あの、灯油買いたいんですけど。。。。" (Um, I'd like to buy some kerosene...) Be relieved when she seems to have no problems with your foreign-ness and just agrees efficiently.

11. Pull forward and wait in the comfortable warmth of your car (or is that the comfortable warmth of the five layers you're wearing?). Feel slightly embarrassed when you have to ask her to repeat her question about payment methods because you didn't hear her the first time, but soon get over it and affirm that yes, you do want a full tank.

12. Be impressed when she goes straight for the trunk without having to ask, pulls out the tank, fills it up, wipes it down, then puts it back. Be even more impressed when she attempts to secure it from falling over with a random cardboard box you have back there.

13. Pay, with cash, of course, and receive a nice little stamp card that will get you some free tissues after you buy five tanks of kerosene. Why tissues? Beats me.

14. Drive home, feeling accomplished. Attempt to take all corners very slowly so as to avoid knocking the kerosene jug over, but feel like you failed.

15. Get home. You did fail, but luckily the nice attendant lady at the station really did make sure both caps were screwed on tight.

16. Hoist the jug out of the trunk. Realize that 18 liters of kerosene is freaking heavy.

17. Lug the jug (I made a rhyme) over to the shed.

18. Run (or, you know, walk briskly) inside, take off a jacket as you're about to do some physical labor, and pull the tank out of your fan heater.

19. Walk briskly (happy?) back out and fill your tank with the automatic pump. Feel immensely satisfied when it goes all the way to the top.

20. Close up the tank and put it aside. Close up the jug, and put it back inside the shed, still pretty damn heavy.

21. Go back inside and pop your tank back into the fan heater. Go and wash your hands (about ten times) while the heater fills with kerosene.

22. Wash your hands another five times, because damn that kerosene stink is persistent.

23. Go back into your room and turn on your fan heater.

24. Feel immensely satisfied with yourself.

And there you have it, Edo's amazing kerosene adventure in less than 25 steps! Were you on the edge of your seat?

... well, there's no pleasing everyone.

This is Edo, signing off warm but not necessarily humorous.

PS- As I'm sure you all have realized, the holiday season is upon us! Thus, I find it in myself to wish you all:


I am unsure as to whether or not I will be able to post again in this year, so, to make up for any possible negligence on my part, I thought I would share a couple of my favorite holiday songs with you all. 

Bet you could have guessed that one, ah ha.

Here, a bit more traditional:

And that's all from me! If I don't see you again, have a happy new year!

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