Friday, July 30, 2010

Off again! (また行こう!)

Once again, I post to you from the past, discussing the future, and warning you about a general temporal upset over which you should not concern yourself.

...although I suppose a disruption to my post schedule doesn't really count as a full-blown "temporal upset."

Oh, well. Allow me my moment of vanity.



At leas this should be the last time in the near future that I will be doing this; the workforce is not nearly so generous with the free time as is that post-college, pre-job stress aneurysm slump. 

This is Edo, signing off and hoping that there's a shiny new work visa waiting for her when she gets back.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

It's for your own good! (君のためだよ!)

I feel the need to warn you ahead of time, dear readers: long, pointless, and possibly overwrought rant ahead. Steer clear if you're not in the mood for that sort of fare today. However, if you'd like some righteous (or simply vociferous) indignation with your breakfast (or lunch... or dinner, as the case may be), please, do read on.

Ahem.

Honestly. If I watch one more BL movie where a protagonist gets offed in an entirely unnecessary, utterly melodramatic fashion as some sort of "plot twist" that I saw coming a mile away (and spent the last half of the movie jadedly groaning over)... I'm going to give up on the genre entirely.

Oh. Er. Not only was that something of a run-on sentence, I just spoiled the whole thing, didn't I.

...Well, frankly, if I were you, I'd be happy for the warning. Positively thrilled, maybe even thankful. I mean really.

This movie made me feel sick inside. I had to watch an episode of Avatar to calm myself down enough to get to sleep, and even then it wasn't happening easily. (I would write about Avatar one day, as it is the best thing ever, but that would really be crossing cultural lines, now wouldn't it? Despite how the Fire Nation is clearly imperialist Japan, not to mention the deliciously researched pan-Asian influences... Aaand I've gone off on a tangent, haven't I.)

At least Boys Love just made me feel needlessly depressed (made all the worse for not seeing that twist coming, because foolish, naive me, I didn't know the formula back then) and, admittedly, somewhat ticked at the lack of medical realism. (Dying from a butter knife to the kidneys in the middle of modern, downtown Tokyo? Oh come now. If you're going to be that way, let's just go all out and say he was killed by a land shark.) It had closure, albeit strange and creepy closure, but gosh darnit, if I'm going to walk away from a movie miserable, I at least want to feel like I didn't waste the last hour and a half of my life waiting for an ending that never came.

But I suppose I should have known better, what with a title like:

禁断の恋 (Kindan no Koi, Prohibited Love)


Tag-line (roughly translated):  I met you, and I first knew love.

Yes, see, it lures you into a false sense of security with good PR. Mild, artistically simplistic cover art, cutesy tag-line, dainty pink writing, vaguely pretty boys.

LIES. ALL LIES.

Also, again with the lack of medical reality. But I'm getting ahead of myself now.

All right, just so everything's fair: if you don't want the entire movie spoiled, play-by-play, stop reading right now. Turn away, read another post, go to Wikipedia and read all about Avatar (or pretty much anything you can think of, for that matter), have some tea and crumpets.  But don't say I didn't warn you.

(And really, the spoiler above could be for any number of movies, so you can't really go whining at me for that.)

So we start out not knowing what the heck is going on (never a good thing in movies, I feel) with a scene involving a high-school student (later revealed to be Ryou, our younger protagonist's brother) wandering around his apartment, carrying flowers. He eventually goes into his brother's--Shou, demonstrating pure brilliance on the part of the parents--room, where he interrupts a very un-passionate love scene between Shou and some sketchy-looking 茶髪 (chapatsu; brown-haired) dude with glasses.

Don't disregard my descriptions, dear readers--I had this guy pegged from his first creepy stomach-nuzzle.

Shou kicks the sketchy-looking dude away when he sees his brother, and the sketchy-looking dude scrambles out, looking a little disappointed. You'd feel bad for him, but come on, he's sketchy-looking. Right away we know this guy is not to be sympathized with. Ryou, seeing nothing amiss with walking in on his brother about to shag another man, puts the flowers on his desk. There's some meaningful dialogue about them being red, and Ryou saying "you like red, don't you?" but really it's all a ruse.

Because this movie is stupid and has no point and therefore any and all foreshadowing is absolutely meaningless.

...hmm, maybe I shouldn't be reviewing this.

Cut to our other protagonist (Ritsu), who has just come back from a business trip/study abroad/thing in New York. He works for Shou and Ryou's (tell me that doesn't sound ridiculous) father as a shop-boy and hopeful designer, and of course is thrilled to acquiesce when boss-man says that he should live with his two sons for the time being, as Shou has dropped out of high school, locked himself up in the apartment complex and generally become some sort of anti-social sulk-pot who no one knows how to deal with.

Oh, and, surprise--Ritsu and Shou were lovers before he left for New York. You would have known that if you had read one of those internet summaries, you know.

After a flashback filled with awkwardness and bad acting that explains their former relationship (and how Ritsu made Shou promise to wait for him for the three years he would be in New York), we follow the mad whirlwind adventure (ooorrr not) of Ritsu attempting to get through to Shou and determine just exactly what bug crawled up his butt.

But not really. Because we actually spend most of the movie (all 71 minutes of it) watching Ritsu fail spectacularly at doing anything helpful, effective, or even intelligent. We only find out through Ryou that Shou quit high school due to being mercilessly bullied (explanations as to why are apparently for higher-budget films), even though he only had a semester left before he graduated.

During this time, we are lead to believe that (a) Ryou has a thing for Ritsu and thus is jealous of his brother, and (b) sketchy-dude (who also works for boss-man, what a twist!) truly is as sketchy, lecherous, and just plain yucky as we suspected him to be all along.

One of these two is correct.

What with all the sad, melodramatic music and lack of action, I knew this was going to end badly, and yet for some reason I held on to hope and kept watching...

Anyway. When Ritsu finally decides to confront Shou and figure out what, exactly, his problem is, Shou turns the tables and pins him to the ground, tries to rip off his clothes, and yells an angry something about Ritsu sleeping with his father. "Whaaat?" says Ritsu (and the entire audience). Shou gets up and digs through a file, eventually tossing down a photograph of Ritsu and his father lying naked in a bed. Smirking at the camera. More of the "whaaat?" reaction from Ritsu (do I even need to mention the audience?) To add insult to injury, Shou states bluntly that he's been sleeping with sketchy-looking dude.

And speak of the devil, SLD and Ryou are secretly watching this entire exchange on a television set in SLD's apartment. Those first-scene flowers (remember those?) hid a camera all along. Because that seems reasonable. Here is also where we find out that SLD is sleeping with Ryou as well.  

Let me pause to say: What the hell.

Shou runs to the roof to sulk, and Ritsu eventually confronts him--look, the photo is obviously a fake, because he doesn't have that birthmark on his chest. After some disbelief, Shou eventually buys that, no, his boyfriend was not cheating on him with his father, and a rather passion-less bit of love-scene ensues. Hooray, everything is fixed!

... or so we think.

After a short and fairly pointless date-scene between Ritsu and Shou (not to mention some expected bitchiness on the part of Ryou), it appears that all is back to normal between them. Hooray, three years of neglect and distrust totally erased in the span of fifteen minutes! Shou, however, ultimately ruins their bliss by being randy--Ritsu doesn't want to sleep with him with Ryou in the next room (who is of course listening to every word, the little scamp), so Shou says that he knows a place where the can be alone. Huzzah for empty apartments with convenient mattresses on the floor! (No, really, what?)

But you didn't think Ryou and SLD would just concede gracefully and drift off into the sunset, licking their wounds, did you? Oh, no no no. Next morning, they call in papa-boss-man to walk in on the empty-apartment-cum-love-nest. And oh yes, dear readers, the shit hits the fan.

Ritsu is evicted, Shou is pissed, and Ryou says something horribly hypocritical about Shou and Ritsu's relationship. At this point, the entire audience is facepalming. However,  hope still manages to survive as Shou manages to shout off the balcony at Ritsu, "wait at the park!"

(I'm probably getting a bit too detailed now, aren't I? Sorry about that; I just need you all to know why you shouldn't watch this movie. I can't risk some dubious reader feeling adventurous and heading off to watch this alone and unsupervised, then coming back to whine about the psychological aftermath.)

Cut to... who knows when, as Shou is still wearing the same clothes (but it seems to be a few hours later at least), and Ryou is bringing flowers again, this time white. (Oh, right--we learned earlier that it was Ritsu who liked red, and that Shou had always liked white best. Ryou was suitably shaken by not knowing this about his brother, and that's where we should have seen this all coming.) Ryou is happy that Shou is no longer mad at him (after a few hours? really?), but freaks out when Shou insists that he's going to go and see Ritsu and be with him, despite papa-boss-man's issues with it.

And then the shit hits the fan again.

(I really don't mean to swear this much, dear readers, it just appears that this movie brings out the very worst in me.)

Ryou throws himself at Shou, saying that (gasp) he loves him, and then we are treated to some incestuous sparring before Shou manages to throw his romantically confused sibling off, asking what the heck's wrong with him, they're brothers! Ryou says that he hates that (or just the terminology perhaps, I'm not sure), and tries once more, insisting that he'll never give his brother to anyone. A regular Casanova. But, huzzah! Shou both throws him off again and knocks over the flowers-- his chastity is saved and the camera is discovered! Oh, Ryou's in trouble now. Shou runs out of the room, heading for the door to the apartment and ultimately, Ritsu. Hooray, we think--this is going to end well after all! Good will triumph, and incest evil will surely be squashed underfoot!

But no. Somehow, spitting in the face of physics, reason, logic, and internal medicine, this ends horribly.

Like we didn't know from the beginning anyway. 

Somehow, Ryou gets outside the apartment first. Somehow, he kills Shou with what appears to be a book to the forehead. Somehow, this is a decent ending for the movie, as we we are left with a quick scene of Ritsu waiting endlessly in "the park", and then another of Ryou, giant grin on his face, carrying more and more white flowers up to Shou's room, where he is now laid out surrounded by them, presumably naked, cold and dead. The movie closes with Ryou (also presumably naked, though not so much dead) curled up around his corpse of a brother amongst the white flowers.

...

What. The. Hell.

No, I don't understand it, and I certainly don't condone it.

If you are an angst...enthusiast, by all means. Watch this movie. Revel in the pointlessness, the (not really) unexpected incest, the necrophiliac ending and, of course, SLD and his severely awkward motions that are meant to be sexy and lecherous.

But if not?

Avoid it like the plague.

Seriously. I cannot recommend avoiding this movie enough.

...UGH.

And, of course, the icing on the cake: not one of the "kissing" scenes in this movie is actually real. That's right, neither of these actors are mature enough to lock lips for the sake of a role--instead, each time we are "fooled" by camera angles and awkwardly tilted heads, lending as much warmth and compassion to the main relationship as a dead fish.

Just ruin everything, why don't you.

I need to go watch Ai no Kotodama again... or even Itsuka no Kimi e. Anything to effectively replace this in my "BL Movie" memory banks.

Of course, I say that, and then I go and post about it. Truly, my magnanimity knows no bounds: that I would go so far as to relive this film to warn the public against it! Know that my mental anguish was for you, dear readers, all for you!

This is Edo, signing off while wishing that online movie summaries were a bit more informative.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Mixing food cultures. (食文化を混ぜてる。)

Well, as per usual, I find myself sitting in front of my laptop with nary an idea in my stress-wracked brain, but unfortunately I don't foresee another brilliant flash of inspiration anywhere in my near future.

I really hate when this happens.

So, I have decided to resort to yet another riveting session of "Cooking with Edo", although this time my recipe is not necessarily authentic, and it is certainly not traditional in any sense of the word.

But at the same time, you can call it by a Japanese name, so that's all right. What more do you want from me? I posted about Hawaiian food last time, give me a break!

Not to mention the fact that it's a great easy dinner no matter where you live, and you can pop it in your bento/lunch-box/tupperware easy as pie. Good warm or cold, it is the perfect single-person dish!

...I'm selling it a bit too hard, aren't I.

焼き飯 (yakimeshi, fried rice)



So, technically, fried rice is not a Japanese dish. I'm dubious as to whether or not it's a Chinese dish, even, but we'll put that aside for now. Japanese dish or no, fried rice is a common dish in the land of the rising sun, and is available even in convenient frozen-food form. And really, what says authentic like a freezer section?

Oh, yea, that picture up there? A very rough representation of the recipe I'm about to share with you lot. For one thing, no peas. Never understood that desire to go randomly inserting legumes everywhere, myself. However, I have not made this dish in quite some time, and quite frankly, I don't aim for pretty and photogenic when I'm making it, so the above is really much better than the alternative.

And at least it has the right protein in it.

...Oh, right. Guess I should have called this shrimp fried rice to begin with, huh? Oh well, you can customize it to cater to your personal meat preferences, so I won't limit your imagination.

Ok, before I start, I must say that I originally adapted this recipe from that on My Lunch Can Beat Up Your Lunch!, and you may care to do so as well. You may also care to simply roam around the site, as it is awesome and has a number of recipes that I have tried and enjoyed, such as the An Pan (which is also, coincidentally, how my mother found out that she loves anko.)

All right, here we go. This is another one of those to-taste recipes, so be prepared.

Software
 2-3 Cups Cooked Rice (leftover or fresh)
 Pre-Cooked, Tail-On Shrimp, roughly chopped (how many is up to you; I usually go for a good handful)
 2-3 Carrots, diced (depending on the size)
 2-3 Large Eggs (depending on how much egg you like)
 1 Can Sliced Mushrooms, chopped (fresh should be fine, but I've always used canned, heathen that I am)
 Soy Sauce (to taste)
 Canola Oil, 2 tblsp, and 2 tblsp
 1 Can Bamboo Shoots, chopped (optional)
 1 Can Water Chestnuts, chopped (optional)
Hardware
Frying Pan
Spatula
Cook your rice, if you haven't already. You don't want it piping hot when you add it to the pan, so be sure to start it first and then leave it open to cool off a bit once it's done.

Crack both of your eggs into a bowl and beat them up with a fork; think scrambled eggs, just without the milk. I wouldn't suggest salting them, considering the amount of soy sauce you'll be putting into this recipe later. Pour your first two tablespoons of oil into your pan (keep in mind that I guesstimated here; I never actually measure out the oil, but choose instead to eyeball it) and turn on the heat. Wait for a bit, and test whether it's hot enough in your own fashion: some suggest looking for a shimmer, others suggest putting a tiny bit of your egg in and seeing if it sizzles. Myself, I go with the highly-dangerous and not-recommended method of dribbling a few drops of water in and seeing if they pop. Yea, the Food Network told you never to do that, didn't they? But me, I laugh in the face of danger, ah ha ha ha!

Once you've determined your oil is hot enough, pour your eggs in, moving them around in the pan to form a nice even layer of scrambled goodness. Then, as they cook, hack them up with your spatula to get them all nice and bite-sized before they set up too much and become difficult to cut. Myself, I like some egg in every bite, and thus try to get some pretty small eggy-bits; you might prefer bigger bits yourself, so it's up to you.

Once your eggs are cooked, turn off the heat and scrape them back into the bowl (that you have cleaned in the interim, preferably; no one wants to mix raw and cooked egg, now do they?). Try to resist snacking on your bite-sized eggy-bits throughout the remainder of the cooking process.

Clean our your pan if you so wish, then pour in the rest of your oil. Heat it up again, check using your preferred method, and then slide in your chopped-up shrimp and carrots. Now, you don't need to cook the shrimp this way--they are pre-cooked, after all--I just like the flavor it gets from the oil and carrots. Check the recipe I linked to above for other meat options, as I only ever make this baby with shrimp. If you would like to add any other vegetables (which you are free to do), add the hard ones at this point as well; you don't want any crunchy, raw veggies in your fried rice, after all. However, if you're following my recipe to the T, just the shrimp and carrots for a while.

Cook, moving around the pan every now and again, and check the carrots every five minutes or so--you want to be able to cut them in half with your spatula without too much effort. It is for this reason that you don't wanna chop your carrots too small; while they might cook much faster, they're harder to test. However, if you are a culinary genius, by all means, chop whichever way you please; just don't blame me if your carrots aren't cooked properly.

Once your carrots and shrimp are done, add your rice to the pan. Remember, piping hot is not ideal, so if it just finished cooking, toss it up a bit in the rice cooker before adding it. Stir up your pan-ful with every few scoops of rice; it's easier to mix as you go than trying to incorporate it all at the end. Once all the rice is in the pan, give it another good mix--your rice should be faintly orange in color, from the carrots, oil and shrimp.

Now, break out the soy sauce. I apologize for those of you who like a recipe with a bit more information, but this is entirely dependent on your taste. It's going to need more than you think, but it's always safer to add too little then put more on later--it's really hard to take it out, after all. Anyway, give your rice mixture a good slosh of soy sauce, and mix it up. Try to gauge by color and by taste--your rice should be browner than when it started. Again, better safe than sorry--if you've added some soy sauce and aren't sure whether or not you need more, wait until it's in your bowl before you season further.

Now it's time to add your soft ingredients--dump in your egg (don't tell me you ate it all!) and your chopped mushrooms, and your bamboo shoots and water chestnuts if you have them. I say these last two are optional because I only ever add them when they're lying around the kitchen; water chestnuts only add texture really, and bamboo shoots are pretty mild. Neither will make or break the recipe, but they are a tasty and healthy addition if you have them around. However, I have only ever added one at a time... if you add both, do tell me how it goes.

After you've mixed everything in entirely, you're pretty much done with the labor intensive part--now it's time to turn the heat down a bit and let the flavors meld. I usually let it go for about eight to ten minutes, stirring it up every now and again to make sure nothing's burning or sticking to the bottom of the pan. (Huh, that's right... I've only ever made with with regular pans. If you make it with non-stick, feel free to cut back on the oil a bit, yes?)

Once those ten minutes are up, time to enjoy! Scoop it out into a bowl and chow down, adding more soy sauce if you think it necessary (I often do, because hey, like I said, better safe than sorry.) This recipe should feed 2-3 people for a meal, or one person for a couple of meals. Pop your leftovers in some tupperware in the fridge; they microwave up a treat. You can even eat it cold, though I admit it is a bit tastier warmed up.

And there you have it--and entirely un-authentic yet very tasty recipe for you to customize and make your own! Because, after all, fried rice is one of the best recipes to customize--you can toss in whatever you want, or whatever you have lying around! Heck, you might be one of those random-legume types, and who am I to criticize! So long as you think it's tasty, go for it. I mean, you could even add piman (green peppers, similar to bell peppers) if you wanted to.

...yeeugh, piman.

This is Edo, signing out hoping that she hasn't gone too far off the cultural edge with this one...

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Geometric hilarity. (幾何級数的な面白おかしさ。)

Well, despite my previous suppositions and assumptions (and we all know what happens when you assume), posts about movies are clearly not what the public wants from this blog.

...or, at least, there was some strange coincidental downturn in readers coinciding with yesterday's post, for no reason readily apparent other than the content therein.

See what happens when I try to please you people?

Anyway, I have thus decided to meander back towards the less-typical subject matter of which I am so fond, and from now on only post movies when I feel like it.

...it is absolutely irrelevant that I did, in fact, feel like posting about a movie last time. You're missing the point here.

Ahem.

(Really, guys, this blog should get a lot more interesting after... say... August 13th. My life will, anyway.)

Moving onwards and forwards, as that truly is the only way to go.



Quiz Parade!! Hexagon II (don't ask about the title, because while I'm sure there is some reasoning behind it, I definitely have no clue as to what it is) has the honor of being pretty much my favorite Japanese game show period. (Remember, SMAPxSMAP is a variety show, and thus is not competing in the same category. Though, admittedly, anything with Kimutaku has a rather unfair advantage and should probably be pulled from any competition for the sake of fairness...)

Sometimes I think I shouldn't be allowed to use parentheses.

Anyway, as you may have guessed from the title and my brief description, Hexagon (the abbreviation most often used, at least in my experience) is a game show of sorts, but, as per usual in Japan, does not star the average Joe (or average Daisuke, rather), but instead talents and celebrities who are either (a) looking for work (b) making the TV circuit or (c) Hexagon regulars kept around for their idiocy.

Oh, yes, didn't I mention? This show can be rather cruel.

See, it begins by ranking all the contestants in terms of how well they did on the pre-show test, splitting them into teams (somewhat) fairly by placing the three top scorers as the head of three separate teams, and then continuing on in that fashion. Thus, the three lowest scorers are also distributed evenly.

And when I say lowest, I mean lowest. The game is something of a competition of intelligence, but often employing the, shall we say, slower contestants' lack of intelligence for the purpose of entertainment.

They're very good sports about it, really.

An example of this would be one of my favorite games, the name of which is アナウンスクイズ (Announce Quiz). The game itself is actually quite simple: the lowest scoring member of a team reads questions to the rest of his or her teammates, and they have to answer as many as they can in a set amount of time.

Except, of course, there's a catch.

There are no 振り仮名 (furigana, kana beside or above kanji to indicate pronunciation) helpers for vital parts of the question, and more often than not the moron reading has no clue how to pronounce them. Personally, I think it's even more hilarious when the furigana-less portion in question is English, though I may be a bit biased there.

For the rest of the team, of course, the trick is answering the questions with half of them misread, misunderstood, or completely missing. (That was an excellent bit of alliteration there if I do say so myself.) Good teammates will listen to what the moron (sorry, that's basically what they are for the purpose of this show) is saying, extrapolate what kanji can mistakenly be read that way, and then plug all their options into the rest of the question to see what fits. And then they have to try and answer.

It's fun times, guys. Really.


クイズパレード!!ヘキサゴンII(080423)

Unfortunately, Youtube is not being very helpful today, so I have to resort to other video sites for footage today. As such, I cannot present you with select items, but instead must beg your forgiveness and ask you to fast-forward to the correct time frame on your own.

Just think of it as a quick and simply brain exercise, eh?

Er... as for the advertisements... well. I can only do so much.

Anyway, fast-forward to the 7 minute mark for some Announce Quiz goodness. Don't if you'd like to see the beginning of the show, which involves the host, Shunsuke, doing a comedy bit of sorts with the players, and the separating of the contestants into the three teams.

I apologize to all of you non-Japanese speakers out there, as this post won't really do much for you. But hey, who knows, the desperate desire to understand just what's going on in the above video clip may be the catalyst that thrusts you into the wild and crazy world of Japanese language learning once and for all!

...or you might just give today's post up for a bad job and move on with your life. Oh, well, you win some you lose some.

However, if you do understand Japanese (even a little bit, because quiz shows like this are great study tools, believe you me; Hexagon is where I first learned 羞恥心 [shuuchishin, shame], after all!) and find yourself bored to tears some Wednesday night (at least, I hope it's still on Wednesday nights...), why not try flipping it over to Fuji Television and see what's what?

If nothing else, just to see people making fools of themselves. Oh yes, I realize what a powerful hold schadenfreude has on us all. It's why this sort of show does so well.

...also, I like it when I know Japanese things that Japanese people don't. Sure, it's a cheap ego boost, but an ego boost nevertheless!

This is Edo, signing off quite proud of herself for not turning this into some sort of homage to Tsuruno.


...oops.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Let's Handsome! (レッツ, ハンサム!)

Now, I'm sure that you're all quite sick of my "diversification" nonsense, and would rather I get back down to the basics, as it were, and return to posting things that are a bit more sensible, like, say, movie reviews.

Don't think I don't notice that my readers trend downwards whenever I make a post like the other day's. Apparently, you all do not wish to cater to my whims, even though it's my blog.

And alas, I'm just not bringing in enough attention to fight you on this point.

...besides, movie reviews are easy, and I had no other pressing ideas.

Ha ha, now you see my true reasoning.

Oh well, all will out in the end, as they say. (...do they say that? I think they do.)

Anyway. I'm sure that I have mentioned this movie before, simply because it is fabulous and very much deserves its own post.

ハンサム・スーツ (The Handsome Suit)


Oh yea, you know this is going to be good right from the get-go.

(Tagline on the side- There is a suit that can make you handsome just by wearing it.) (Roughly.)


This looks rather more like the billboard I originally saw outside the movie theatre while walking down 寺町(Teramachi) with Melon, and if I'm trying to convince you people to go and see this film, what better way than to use the very method that convinced me?

Ok, now, everyone have your best friend watch it, then tell you how good it is.

...Er. I guess that plan won't work after all.

Oh well, I guess I have to sell this thing the old fashioned way.

Let me start off by saying that I am biased; horribly horribly biased. I love this movie. Melon loves this movie. Everyone who I have shown this movie, loves this movie (ok, so that's only four people, but still.) Based on these odds alone, you should seriously consider giving it a look-see.

Anyway.

As you may have guessed from the rather informative posters above, not to mention the helpful title, this movie is, in fact, about a suit (of sorts) that makes a person handsome, regardless of how ugly or uncouth they start out. Somewhat cruel, in appearance? Yes. Fodder for an excellent and ultimately heartwarming movie? Absolutely.

The movie begins in the back-room of 洋服の青山 (Western Clothing, Aoyama, which is actually a real store--betting they paid big bucks to get their name in on this one), where an employee is giving the low-down (complete with video presentation) to his boss on the perfect candidate (of course describing our protagonist, Ooki Takurou, often called Butarou for his unfortunate looks and kanji), who is fat, ugly, lacking in social grace, a terrifier of women (especially when he sneezes), and who speaks, gasp, Kansai-ben, among other things.

(As you can imagine, I don't appreciate that last part. Stinkin' Kanto people. Kansai-ben is めっちゃかっこいいで!)

His boss is thrilled with this new prospect, and can't wait to get him into the shop, thinking that he is the perfect customer to try out the Handsome Suit. "What could that be?" we wonder.

Well, we soon find out.

After falling for a girl who comes to work as a waitress at his shop, Takurou becomes depressed, lamenting is unlovable person and of course heading to the park to be alone with his sorrows. (This happens a lot in Japanese media, I feel, which is even lampshaded by the movie itself.) There, our friend the video-presentation employee just happens to pop up (somewhat creepily, in my opinion) and hands him a flyer for "a suit that can change your life."

Cut to the next day, where Takurou (a) receives a wedding invitation from his two best friends and (b) totally blows it with that waitress girl. Like you didn't see that coming. Insisting that he is drawn by the need for some wedding attire, he heads on over to Aoyama, and that's when everything gets interesting.

He is led into the back by the boss-man, who of course knows that he doesn't really just want a wedding suit. No, no, he needs a Handsome Suit. We proceed to find out that a Handsome Suit changes your body (and even voice), leading to the transformation you see in the above promotional images.

(Pay attention for the Dave Spector joke, kids. And if you don't know who he is... find out.)

The movie continues on to chronicle Takurou's adventures in handsome-dom, which of course are filled with hilarity, amazing happenstance, and jealous models played by my darling Kayashima. (I'll remember his real name one day. But really; how did he go from cute, awkward supernatural guy in Hana Kimi to being constantly type-cast as bitchy side-characters? Poor dear.)

Despite its outward appearnces, though, the message this movie gets across is ultimately a very, very good one--I won't spoil it, of course, but trust me on this.

Aside from that, though, what makes this movie really work is the collaboration between the two actors who play Takurou (or rather, Takurou and Annin, since he needs a handsome name as well)--they matched their characterizations exceptionally well, which makes everything flow so well. You can really belive that they're the same man, and I feel that that was vital in making this movie so excellent.

I've said it before, I'll say it again--I simply cannot recommend this movie enough. Rent it, buy it, watc a friend's copy, I don't care; just see it.

This is one of those movies that I can watch over and over again, and anything that good deserves sharing. I'll even link you to the trailer, though unfortunately it doesn't have subtitles for all you English-speaking folk. The movie, however, should be out with them by now, so fear not!

But seriously, guys. Watch this movie. It's excellent.

This is Edo, signing off wondering just how persuasive a writer she is.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Move with the rhythm! (リズムと一緒動くぜ!)

I'm sure that you all have noticed that, in my efforts to avoid being referred to as a one-trick pony... blog, I have attempted to diversify the topics of discussion present herein. I am to please, and figure that I will best be able to do so by employing my wide and varied interests to their maximum potential.

...however, as I mentioned before, that may in fact be the reason that I will ultimately be doomed to obscurity.

Oh well, I think that I'll narrow things down a bit once I actually move to Japan and have interesting, real-life topics to tell you all about, so this may all be a moot point.

However. What I'm trying to say presently is that today's post will stray a bit away from the recent themes, and jump back towards a topic I have only breached once before.

That's right, video games.

After all, the current plan is to do something with them for my life's work (localization, anyone?) so it would make sense to write about them just the teensiest bit in this blog o' mine.

However, doing so creates something of a paradox.

I myself love video games, and can go on for hours and hours about replay values, the value behind in-depth storylines, character strength, the pros and cons of a summon system, and so on and so forth, ad nauseum. Well, for those of you not interested, anyway. And as I mentioned, my goal at present is to diversify, and attract more readers with a number of interesting posts in various fields. Once I start getting technical and in-depth, I start pissing people off.

...which I usually don't mind, but today, I'm feeling charitable.

And, well, you know, if my goal is to get readers, I should probably go mass-market-appeal first, and worry about staying true to myself later.

And anyway, no one said anything about sacrificing my own tastes and interests to suit the needs of the masses, did they?

No no no; I'm merely proposing that, instead of writing an eighteen-page essay on why exactly Final Fantasy X's storyline is so intriguing and possibly worth further analysis, I thought I would tell you all about another game I enjoy, which might appeal to a not-so-nerdy, casual gaming audience.

...although yes, die-hard fans, I am irked as well by the number of casual games being produced lately, but hey. Some of them are fun. And the more money the producers make from the casuals, the more money they can spend on making, say, the next Final Fantasy not suck so bad. (Note- I refer here to XII, as I have not yet played XIII and hear that it's actually quite good.)

An-y-way.

Moving on to the subject of today's post (finally).

リズム天国ゴールド (Rhythm Heaven Gold)


Or, for you English speaking types, just Rhythm Heaven


Why the change in title, you ask? Well, this time, I know the reason right off the top of my head: in Japan, Rhythm Heaven is a series of sorts, beginning with plain ol' リズム天国 on the GameBoy Advance in 2006. That, however, was never released in America--thus, localization teams felt that Rhythm Heaven alone was sufficient when the DS game was localized for Western audiences.

Makes sense, really. Although it is rather sad that we never got the GBA game.

Basically, Rhythm Heaven is a series of (as you probably guessed) rhythm based mini-games, in which you, the player, progress by tapping or flicking the screen in time with the beat.

Sounds simple? Sounds boring? Sounds like something you could beat in twenty minutes, tops?

Well, sorry to break it to you, but you're wrong.

I admit, it does sound like a dubious proposition-- 30+ mini-games, all based on rhythm, and I'm supposed to be entertained by this? Please.

But really, I have to hand it to the design team behind this one; creativity abounds in this game (and I assume series as a whole, though I'll have to test to be sure), and though they're all rhythm games at their base, each is different enough to be challenging and intriguing, and certainly incredibly frustrating when you're only one away from a perfect...

But I guess that it would be better if I were to actually show you. (Thank you, Youtube.)



Here we have the official US trailer for the game which, while informative, I feel is somewhat lacking. (Mainly because I think it's funnier when you mess up during the chorus game; your buddies get maaad.) And thus I return to the wild, searching again for videos to quench your thirst for knowledge.

I'm just so gosh darn helpful.



Here we have a play-through of the Japanese version of the first "remix," or boss level, as it were. At first, I thought it would be best to find some sort of professional video that just showed the screen, but it is helpful to be able to see what the player is doing, I feel.

... it is, isn't it?



Ah ha, here we go. Not only is this particular game hard, but I fear that I am doomed never to perfect it, simply because I find the expressions on my cohorts faces to be simply hi-larious when I mess up. I miss a note, burst out laughing, and it's just all down-hill from there.

... really, that's a very large danger in this game.



Unfortunately, this player is a bit more talented than I was the first time I played this game--I repeatedly hit the monk in the face, but found it to be so funny that I wound up doubled-over in laughter, unable to do absolutely anything for a good five minutes. However, this video is good in that it is the length of an entire mini-game, so that should give you a good idea of what to expect.

And I think we'll round it off with one last remix... just because I want you all to get a good taste for this game before I send you off again into the world!



Remember, kids: あなた (anata) means you, and it, of course, refers to the character that the player is controlling. Never let it be said that I didn't teach you useful Japanese! (...although please don't run around calling everyone that. In general, that's a linguistic and etiquette no-no. In specific... well, I don't have the time to teach you that much Japanese.)

I know that there wasn't much "editorial" content in this piece, as it were, but... well, frankly, it's rather difficult to write a great deal about a rhythm game. You know this, I know this. There's no need to pretend.

Perhaps this is the light fare I should have used the other day... oh, well.

(And hey, since we were talking about Final Fantasy... here is a fan-made remix-type video of FFV and the original Rhythm Heaven, which I find to be both entertaining and well-made.)

This is Edo, signing off whilst movin' and groovin'.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The fine Japanese tradition. (素晴らしい日本の伝統です。)

So, since yesterday's post was on the rather more serious end of the spectrum, I thought that I'd come up with some lighter fare for today's theme.

And since I mentioned both Eddie Izzard and Monty Python, I was in the mood for a little comedy.

And since I know where a certain comedy group's routines are to be found with English subtitles, we all win!

Oh yes, remember that mastery of the internet I mentioned? Confirmed and with a lengthy bibliography.

...I don't know what it says about me that my boastfulness comes out in research terminology.

Anyway.

I'm fairly sure that I have spoken about the ラーメンズ (Ramenz) before, if only to demonstrate their hi-larious interpretation of the common Japanese conception of Americans.

...I doubt that anyone will actually care enough to click that link and look at the previous entry, so for your convenience, I'll simply post the video again.

Also because I find it, as mentioned, hi-larious.



Americans, as you know, carry firearms with them at all times. We also love to shout obscenities, even in academic settings.

And if you don't have a flag on your head, how dare you call yourself an American? That's not just a Ramenz concept, either. Look:


We even do it to ourselves.



...Well, it wouldn't be so funny if it didn't have some basis in truth.

But this is the series that I really wanted to talk about today.

(Look, subtitles! Huzzah!)



(Yes, so the word they translate as "tradition" is different than the one I use, but I plead difference in translation philosophy and thus we move on.)

Indeed; not only do the Ramenz make fun of other, distant cultures, they very much enjoy poking fun at their own as well.

But, and this is the important part, they do it partially from the view of Western types.

This, I think, is pretty cool. They've seen all of that exoticization, "tradition" nonsense we tend to bandy about when speaking of Eastern Asia in general, and have run with it. Far, fast, and hilarious.

... I really shouldn't mix metaphors.

But I suppose that, in order to realize how funny this is, you must also realize how very exaggerated it is. I have a very high opinion of you, my readers, and have every confidence that you realize that no one takes themselves or their chopsticks this seriously, even in Japan.

And certainly, if you're spending that much time playing around with your eating utensils, it doesn't speak very well of the food and ambiance at your chosen dining location.

I suppose, really, this is half poking fun at the sometimes stiff and silly qualities in Japanese traditions (which are often, in fact, invented, as so many "traditions" are) and also at those outsiders who love to parade Japan around as so full of "ritual" and "tradition" the like of which is unheard of in the West.

And really, the fact of the matter? Japan is simply different from what most non-Japanese are used to. Not so much so as to be alien, and not in such a way as to be "superior." Just different, and different ways of living always seem strange at first.

...Also, they make great fodder for comedy.

(I really did mean for this to be a light-hearted post, you know.)



Remember, guys. Comedy. Please don't eat the salt. Also, feel free to be bold and have a nice solo dinner, though I suppose that's sort of uncomfortable for people everywhere... unfortunately enough.

(Translating 義理と人情 [giri to ninjou, duty/honor and humanity/kindness, the two conflicting forces in most of romantic Tokugawa literature] as "manners and obligation"...hmmm.)

Ok, ok, one more, and then we're done for the day.



(I apologize for the lack of subtitles on this one, but... well, apparently people are only willing to sit down, interpret and code so much.)

As you can see from the handy ending bit, there are plenty more of these available, so simply take a cruise around Youtube for more Ramenz goodness.

I myself prefer their school-room sketches, but what are you going to do.

This is Edo, signing off and wishing that moving from one country to another wasn't so difficult.

PS- Goodness gracious me, did I ever say "tradition" a lot in this post. This is what happens when you go to a liberal arts college, guys.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Dude looks like a lady. (その奴は女性のように見える。)

It's just not as catchy in Japanese, is it? I admit, my translation of "dude" may be suspect, but I challenge you to come up with a better one in thirty seconds. I know that Jim Breen offers up 伊達者 (datesha) or 伊達男 (dateotoko) as alternatives, but... really.If that doesn't sound stitlted I don't know what does.

Well, where's that amazing translation you were bragging about?

... nothing? I didn't think so. From now on, we'll keep our mouthy comments to ourselves, won't we?

(...I know that talking to yourself is a sign of insanity, but what about talking to readers who may or may not be present, and who I know for a fact won't respond?)

Anyway.

As you may have surmised by the title (borrowed from Aerosmith as it may be), today's post will deal with the (I think) very interesting reality of cross-dressing in Japan.

First of all, this is another instance where Japan is surprisingly tolerant, especially in comparison to the anonymous yet infinitely superior (cough) West. Though it's rather short, there's a very interesting article here on CNN, less than a year old, stating that Japan is, on the whole, quite tolerant and even accepting of transvestitism (there's even a book out to guide men on their way to looking like women).

"...so long as they're pretty."

Ok, ok, so that might knock back their amazing sense of tolerance just a touch, but think about it.

(There's an interesting article in Japanese here discussing the phenomenon, including the new cross-dressing maid cafes. Even if you can't read the language, simply go for the pictures. Those are all men. Yes, all men. If this is a general sample, "pretty" may not be a unreasonable bar to meet.)

Transvestitism, as we know it, can express a number of different things, from a burgeouning desire to become transsexual (that is, change physical gender) to a simple desire to wear clothing traditionally designated to the opposite gender--Eddie Izzard, quirky hilarious comedian extraordinaire, would be an example of this. (Yes, I did just sneak Eddie Izzard into my Japan blog. Clearly, I am a master of the ways of the internet.)

Japan, however, has a very interesting history of it as almost entirely separate from sexuality, all starting with "hey, don't put women in the theatre, they're far too arousing!"

Yes, that's why there are no women in kabuki. Sort of ironic, considering... but I'll get to that.

It was something of a flip, really, as "...in kabuki's nascent period, women were the only performers in the plays. Soon women began attracting the wrong types of audiences and gaining too much attention from men. This type of attention raised some eyebrows and officials felt as if women were degrading the art of kabuki."

By wrong types of audiences, of course, we mean the kind that like to pay for sex. Anyway, as the government banned women from performing in the theatre in 1629 (thank you for the refresher and the quote, Wikipedia) men had to take on their roles, because it would just be silly to write plays about men and men alone. No one wants that sort of sexist entertainment!

... ha, ha, I made a funny.

Anyway, I'll let Wikipedia tell you why banning women from the theatre was something of a moot point, if they were going for wholesome family values:

The modern all-male kabuki, known as yarō kabuki (young man kabuki), was established during this period. After women were banned from performing, cross-dressed male actors, known as onnagata ("female-role") or oyama, took over. Young (adolescent) men were preferred for women's roles due to their less masculine appearance and higher pitched voices compared to adult men. In addition, wakashu (adolescent male) roles, played by young men often selected for attractiveness, became common, and were often presented in an erotic context.[6] Along with the change in the performer's gender came a change in the emphasis of the performance: increased stress was placed on drama rather than dance. Their performances were equally ribald, however, and the male actors too were available for prostitution (to both female and male customers). Audiences frequently became rowdy, and brawls occasionally broke out, sometimes over the favors of a particularly handsome young actor, leading the shogunate to ban first onnagata and then wakashu roles. Both bans were rescinded by 1652. 
Have I ever mentioned that the Tokugawa populous wasn't all that picky about sexuality? Men were rather expected to be bisexual, and didn't even bother with classifying things the way we do now. Sometimes you liked to sleep with boys, and sometimes with girls, and no one really raised a fuss. Women did not, as far as I know, have similar liberties in choosing their bed-mates, as a whole, though there are a number of erotic prints depicting female-female sexuality out there. And hey, everyone was allowed to buy prostitutes!

... wow. I think I was originally supposed to be talking about modern cross-dressers, wasn't I?  This is what happens when you let a Tokugawa-buff start rambling, kids, remember that....

Anyway. It has often been hypothesized that, because of this long and strong history of men dressing as women for public enjoyment, Japan doesn't seem to have much of an issue with gender-bending apparel in the current day. I agree with this sentiment entirely, and feel that it is helped along by the fact that kabuki is still going strong, as are 女形 (onnagata) and their popularity. Do a Youtube search if you don't believe me:



This kid (早乙女太一) is one of the most popular currently; I discovered him while doing research for my own 女形 project while studying abroad, and man is he gorgeous. Also ridiculously young, but hey. There are a bunch of people out there making my youth feel squandered; at least he's pretty.

On sort of the flip side of kabuki is 宝塚歌劇団 (Takarazuka Kagekidan, Takarazuka Review):
The Takarazuka Revue (宝塚歌劇団 Takarazuka Kagekidan) is a Japanese all-female musical theater troupe based in Takarazuka, Hyōgo Prefecture, Japan. Women play all roles in lavish, Broadway-style productions of Western-style musicals, and sometimes stories adapted from shōjo manga and Japanese folktales. The troupe takes its name from the Hankyu Takarazuka rail line in suburban Osaka.
As opposed to men being pretty, these are women being manly--or pretty, if they're playing the female roles. However, they are not being traditionally manly, but more of a stylized version of it. Nevertheless, a number of the 男役 (otokoyaku, male players) make many women in my acquaintance (and myself, come to think of it) feel a little weak in the knees:



Er. Yes. Don't ask me to interpret, because Takarazuka is notoriously difficult to understand for us foreign types, especially when we don't understand the story going in. There were ads up for this one all over during the first part of my study abroad in Kyoto, though, and it looked dreadfully cool. I think that it was based on a Chinese myth/legend, though I could be way off base.

Again, these women are extremely popular, and tickets for their shows are horribly expensive--so much so that I never was able to go see one. Training to enter the troupe is also ridiculously difficult and extensive, and often women are selected very young.

What I'm trying to say, with all my long-winded off-topic rambling, is that cross-dressing is a fact of life in Japan, with deep roots in their cultural history and a long-held respect as a high form of art.

Therefore, it is no wonder that cross-dressing occurs so frequently in modern popular media with no detriment to the participants, particularly on variety shows. And in that case, it really doesn't matter whether or not they're pretty, so long as they're entertaining.

(Though I suppose it would be even more crass to demand that lifestyle transvestites were entertaining instead of pretty, wouldn't it.)



Here, the above-mentioned 女形 (told you he was popular) teaches Kimutaku and Sanma (coincidentally one of Melon's favorite talents) his art on their little variety segment, which is always full of hilarity. Notice how bloody elegant Kimutaku is. Truly, he has been elevated from "perfect man" to "perfect human being."

...It's always dangerous to bring up Kimutaku on this blog, have you noticed?

But I did say hilarity. Traditional Japanese theatre, while elegant and refined, does not hilarity make.

This does.



Yes. They're trying to re-create a Beyonce video. Replacing her first with Sanma, then Kimutaku when he can't take Sanma's fail-tastic performance anymore. (Most of the hilarity in the first bit comes from Sanma's laughable attempts to look like Beyonce; Kimutaku, tasteful and gorgeous pop-idol that he is, is definitely not impressed.)

Hilarious? Yes. Shocking, when we look at Kimutaku's legs? God yes.

Embarrassing, for either of these men? Nary a bit. Kimutaku is married with two children, and can still do this sort of thing without any fear. I mean, after all, he takes over because he can do it right, not just because it's his turn.

And I rightly think that that is pretty awesome.

Also, pay attention around the five minute mark: the male staff members begin leering at Kimutaku, and he rightly protests, saying that he--note the sudden switch to the super-masculine pronoun, "ore"--now understands what women feel in this situation. Sanma, though finding the situation quite hilarious, does feel obliged to remind them that Kimutaku's a "32-year-old, middle-aged guy" (at the time of this shooting anyway), though no one seems very bothered by such trivialities. That, my friends, is a surprising lack of concern about gender, sexuality, and masculinity. Color me intrigued... though admittedly not by the best of circumstances, ah ha.

Show me something comparable from America. Yes, I do have to single us out now, because Britain seems to have gotten over this hurdle, at least when it comes to comedy and dealing with a dearth of double X chromosomes:



Yes, that's right, Eddie Izzard and Monty Python in my Japan blog. Feel free to bow down before my amazing tangential and referential mastery.

And, when you do find me that example in American media, remember: it must not be a source of embarrassment for the cross-dresser at hand. It can be meant to be humorous, but the person in question cannot feel ashamed, uncomfortable, or generally put-upon in his or her gender-atypical clothing.

Also, it cannot be a teeny-bopper movie that slurs the name of Shakespeare.

Go on. I'm actually quite eager to see what people find; I'm very willing to admit defeat and gracious accept America as truly and totally tolerant and accepting of transvestites and cross-dressing, especially in the media.

...but what with this lot's tendency of silence, I doubt I'll be corrected today.

Oh well.

This is Edo, signing off thinking that she probably should avoid trying to write editorial pieces in the future.

PS- A little blog note, for those of you who have noticed--I finally figured out how to re-size videos to suit my rather narrow format. I do hope you enjoy it, and aren't instead repulsed by the strange new dimensions given to videos you may know and love.

I also have that nifty flag counter over there now... because I admit that I am very much interested in whether or not this thing is actually reaching anyone or not. Hopefully it doesn't jar the eye too much.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

It's hip to be strange. (変のはかっこいいんや。)

I promised you a proper 宇宙戦隊NOIZ post at a later date, and it appears, dear readers, that that date has finally come.

It's always good to have a few back-up post ideas for those days you're not feeling very creative. Good advice for all of you future bloggers out there, take notes.

Anyway.

宇宙戦隊NOIZ


Oh yes indeedy. ビジュアル系 (Visual Kei, V-Kei) band extraordinaire, and possibly the most accurate example still active in the music field today. Heck, in my opinion? These guys probably epitomize the genre. If ever you need to explain V-Kei to your friends, just hand over the above picture.

Or, you know, tell them to google it. It is the age of the internet, after all.

Take note, however, that the above photograph is of the current band line-up; the following is an image of the original, and possibly most recognizable line-up:


... what can I say? I love me a man in a belly-shirt. Personally, I recommend clicking on this one to get the full experience.

....Uh. Anyway.

Uhm. Er. Yes! Ahem.

According to the vast fountain of knowledge that is Wikipedia:

Uchuu Sentai NOIZ (宇宙戦隊 NOIZ) is a Visual Kei rock band from Japan. They are famous for their energetic music, wild Cosplay-like outfits, and amazing live shows full of energy and on stage antics. Their music is very eclectic and has many different elements from genres such as punk, J-pop, metal, hip-hop, and electronica in their sound and thus cannot be properly labeled. Some songs tend to not mix all these sounds together and focus on one or two, while other song combine all these elements. There are two singers, Angel Taka (lead) and Masato, where as for the most part Angel sings in more of a pop friendly voice though occasionally can sound a bit more punk-ish, while Masato tends to sing in harsh/brutal metal vocals and even purely hip-hop/rap style vocals which Angel will sing backup for.

Uchuu Sentai NOIZ formed in 1999 under the name NOIZ. Later, the name was changed to Imitation PoPs Uchuu Sentai NOIZ (Imitation PoPs 宇宙戦隊 NOIZ), which is the name they are best known for as well as the name under which most of their albums are listed under.

...Recently members S@TT-ON(Drums) and TAKEswiy(Guitar) left the group to be replaced by Yamato(Drums) and Kotaro(Guitar). Soon after the band shortened their name to the now-official Uchuu Sentai NOIZ (宇宙戦隊 NOIZ) and signed up with a new major label. After this, they have released only a new Single "Brave New World" with the new member on their major label as well as a greatest hits called GREAT ROCK'N' ROLL HEROES (Best of).

Yes, I realize that that is a bit more lengthy than would be my normal quote from Wikipedia, but it actually has some good, helpful info on these guys (surprisingly enough.) Anyway, as far as I can tell, the former guitarist and drummer "retired," and thus left on amicable terms--I suppose that there are some people who can only do this sort of thing for so long, after all. I have not yet heard otherwise, and will continue to believe that there was no in-fighting until someone proves me wrong.

Because I hate inner-band strife, guys. I really do.

Though it does strike me as a little suspicious that the two pudgy, less-than-pretty members were the ones who left... Only to be promptly replaced by two musicians of the more aesthetically pleasing variety... Hmm.

But hey, the new drummer makes adorable blog posts, so I'm not complaining.

Oh, that's right. These guys have their own band blog, which is both highly entertaining to read and makes them far more accessible and real, which would put them towards the top of my favorites list even if their music wasn't fun to listen to.

Because, you see, in this day and age, far too many of these hard-rock bands take themselves entirely too seriously. Dir, I'm sorry guys, but you're one of them. (Admittedly, I think most of their problem is letting all that American-aimed PR get through. Yeesh.) I like a band who knows that what they're doing is kind of ridiculous, and can have fun with it all the same. I like a band who enjoys what they do, and doesn't mind running into fans, making fools of themselves, or just generally appearing human.

And man, despite all the ridiculousness these guys represent, they are by far the most human example of V-Kei I have ever seen.

Take this, for example:



(I apologize again for the size; click here to see it in a new tab.)

宇宙戦隊NOIZ has apparently become something of a regular guest at an American anime convention, realizing, like most of their fellows, that we Westerners have a pretty substantial financial fan-capacity, and may be worth the effort to get to know a little better.

However, they're not satisfied with being simply musical guests, especially since I'm quite willing to bet that only about 10% (if that) of the convention attendees actually knew who they were.

So, they don't take themselves seriously. They realize what they must look like to a bunch of weeaboo types, and run with it.

However, they aren't good at Dance Dance Revolution.

So they cheat. And entertain. And make fools of themselves.

And it's hilarious.

You want to fulfill a contract, play the gig. You want to get invited back, do something like this.

(You know what also makes them real? The fact that the leader sounds eerily like a buddy of mine from 同志社 [Doshisha University]. It's a little unsettling, actually.)

Oh, and did I mention they have their own Youtube account? Full of similar hilarity (including adventures with meat economy in an American supermarket) and amazingly entertaining LIFT-OFFs?

What on earth is a LIFT-OFF, I hear you cry.



That, my friends, is a LIFT-OFF. Don't ask me to interpret that bit at the beginning; it's pretty garbled with the music and the microphone and would take a significant amount of concentration which I simply don't have the time for... or I'm just lazy. That might be it. Ahem.

As you may have guessed, the above LIFT-OFF (ok, fine, it's a video introduction, happy?) is for Angel-Taka, the main vocalist and leader of the band. Except, he's not the vocalist; he's the Angel Voice. Similarly, 呼太郎 (Kotarou) is the Neo Eccentric Guitar, MASATO is the Hyper Sonic Guitar  (Kyou) is the Super Vibrator (Bassist; don't ask me, because I'll never know) and YAMATO is the Machinegun Beat Grappler (Drummer; at least that one sort of makes sense.) I've linked you to each of their LIFT-OFFs, because... well... they're fun. And they're one of the main reasons why I gave these guys more than just a second glance.

And I am so very glad I did. What with the Youtube account, their ridiculous website, and their blog, I was convinced that I was destined for NOIZ-fandom even if their music was absolutely atrocious.

Imagine how pleased I was when it wasn't.



And even if you don't like the music, you can certainly appreciate the videos (another of which is posted here, remember).



Oh, and did I mention the fact that most (if not all) of them speak hard-core 関西弁 (Kansai-ben, Kansai dialect)? That gets them an automatic one hundred points in my books, as we all know. Ah ha, bias. 

You know, oftentimes, people use bands like these guys as an example of how weird, strange and utterly alien Japan is, an example of why it's fun to visit but they certainly wouldn't want to live there, and man, aren't those Japanese crazy? After I count to ten and clear the indignant, righteous anger from my head, I offer my own perspective.

Yes, these guys are weird. Yes, they dress in crazy costumes and look completely different from just about anything you'd find over here in the civilized, gloriously advanced West. But you know what? I love that. Far from being a reason not to go, these guys are one of the many reasons I love Japan, and one of the reasons that I can see myself living there for decades at a time, despite the tendency towards xenophobia, casual racism and conservative policies. (Sorry for the wake-up call there, weeaboo legions.) Guys like 宇宙戦隊NOIZ are an example of how tolerant and laid-back Japan has the capacity to be. 

I absolutely love the fact that these guys can succeed, doing what they do, being as ridiculous as they are.

And I don't give a flying fig for anyone who would use interesting bands like this as yet another means to poke fun at that strange and distant land of Japan.

...whoa. I didn't mean for this to turn into such a passionate rant; I do apologize (though not for the sentiment).

Anyway.

I hope that I have opened your mind to what some (namely me) might call the last pure V-Kei band out there, and that you have at least gotten some enjoyment out of this post, if only through giggling slightly at the poor dancing skills of these men.

And just think--without weirdos, where would we be?

This is Edo, signing off bobbing her head to the music and wishing her hair was blue again.

Monday, July 12, 2010

What's in a name? (名前には何の意味があるかな。)

You know, I do think that the ability to change punctuation (properly, mind you) when translating is becoming something of a lost art... Too often, we see the "yo" and simply insert an exclamation point, thinking our duty done, or we replace a "ka" with a question mark, no questions asked (ah ha ha). But really, if we were to actually stop and think a little bit about these snap-substitutions, we would find that, at least fifty percent of the time, these seemingly simple particles-cum-punctuation deserve a bit more consideration than we are wont to divulge...

Er. Sorry. Checking over translations for my scanlation group apparently gets me waxing poetic. And, you know, really ticked at people who don't understand Japanese but insist on translating it anyway.

GEEZ.

Ok, moving on to the topic at hand.

As I have mentioned in a number of previous posts, choosing a phone e-mail is rather important to me; despite what Shakespeare would have us believe, there is rather a lot in a name (er, electronic address, in this case), and I want to make sure that I've picked the right one for the job.

My last phone e-mail was, though chosen rather at the spur of the moment and somewhat jokingly, wound up being quite satisfactory. Nerdy, yet not too nerdy, and certainly innocuous enough to pass unnoticed beneath the noses of at least 75% of the population, who just thought I was being a little self-centered. (It was theworldendswithme, remember.)

And yes, I suppose I could simply fall back onto the old standby, as it were (although maybe not... does anyone know if you can use an e-mail that was deactivated?), but I like to think of this as an opportunity to try something fresh and new; to expand myself, as it were.

Not to mention a way to entertain you all, am I right?

...forget I asked.

Anyway, I thought that I would begin this little brainstorming session with something of a recap, just to get all of our ducks in a row, and to make sure we're not forgetting some previous seed of genius:

1) sabaku no ko (砂漠の子, child of the desert)

2) sabotendaa (サボテンダー, the Japanese name for Cactuar)

3) cactuaa (a mash up of Sabotendaa and Cactuar, or simply how Cactuar would wind up being pronounced in Japanese) 

4) kansai gaijin (関西外人, a foreigner from the Kansai region)

5) kansai jin (関西人, person from Kansai; Kansai-ite)

6) inconvenient ideal (My favorite Dir song of late)

7) tokugawa no (徳川の, Tokugawa's... Of the Tokugawa...)

8) edo jidai no [you na] (江戸時代の[ような], The Edo period's... Of the Edo period... [Like the Edo period]) 

(And remember, reasoning for any of the above can be found here or here, should you find yourself in need of refreshing.)

So far, we have one vote for "sabaku no ko" and one vote for... well, I guess each one that has to do with Cactuar. That one might wind up depending on which is already taken, so that shouldn't be a big issue.

But eight choices is nothing like enough! Let's keep going until we have a nice, big two-digit number, eh? (No, not ten. Geez.)

9) honyakusha (翻訳者 , translator)   

Ok, I admit it; this one is sort of boring, but it is what I am, at heart, not to mention what I want to be sometime in the future. Admittedly, I'd really like to be a localization expert... but rookaraizu (the Japanese phonemic representation of localize, or localization) isn't really.... well, hey, on second thought...

10) rookaraizu (ローカライズ, localization) 

It does look sort of cool, doesn't it? I might butcher the romanization a bit though, if I use it... one "o" just looks better, don't you think? And hey, no one can romanize properly these days anyway... Though admittedly, if I purposefully made a mistake in my e-mail which I am constantly condoning others for making, intentionally or no... I just don't think I could live with myself.

The second "o" stays.

(No, I said I wouldn't stop at ten, quit your whining.)


11) tanjun ja nai (単純じゃない, [I'm, It's] Not Simple)

Aaand once again, my horrible, horrible video game nerdiness is revealed. Oh well, that's all right--if I want to make a career out of it, I should be dedicated!

This one comes from Dissidia, the Final Fantasy fighting game for the PSP that came out sometime last year in Japan, and sometime this year in the US--you can guess which one I have, oh ho ho. Apparently, they went and changed a lot of things around in the US release too, affecting characters' power levels, fighting abilities... man. Definitely no incentive to play now, what with all of my experience in the Japanese version. I already have a tendency to button mash with fighting games, I don't need to be re-learning how to fight over here!

Er... yes. Anyway.

The e-mail idea is a quote from one of the many cut-scenes (which are, by the way, amazingly useful as study tools, I think). See, you play as a character from one of the ten Final Fantasy games (they were smart enough to pretend that XI and XII never happened) and fight through "story mode" when you're playing by yourself, finding crystals, fighting a bunch of people, and then ultimately having a showdown with the main villain from the game your hero is from. It's fun times, I promise.

Anyway, this particular quote is from Squall's (Final Fantasy VIII) story, in which he tells Ultimecia:

おまえに理解できるほど単純じゃない.
Which I translate (roughly) to:

It's not something so simple that you could comprehend it.

And I'm such a good blogger that I'll even provide the actual cut-scene from whence it came (though you'll have to fast forward to... 6:37 on your own. Youtube can only provide so much.):



(Sorry about it being too big; my blog layout is just not conducive to most videos. You may have to open this one in another tab, guys.)

Of course, as you can see, in this case, it relates particularly to Ultimecia's understanding of Squall's travel to travel alone, etcetera etcetera... but that's completely irrelevant, especially considering that fact that probably 2.5% of you have actually played this game before. No, I just rather like the sentiment behind the statement, and it's nice to feel as though you're too complicated to be easily understood.

I don't know, sometimes phrases (especially in Japanese, lately) just sort of stick with me--I'm not sure if it's the metre, the flow, or just the composition itself, but things like this just make me stop, think, and roll them around in my head for a while.

I like things like that.

...Enough to get me off on a tangent, anyway. Moving on.

12) ore no monogatari (オレの物語, my story)

Another Final Fantasy derived quote--this time from Final Fantasy X, which may very well have kicked it's way to the top of my own personal rankings. The storyline, man, the storyline...

But I digress. Again.

Anyway, "stories" are a running theme in X, particularly when it comes to the main character, Tidus, and his mentor-figure, Auron. Mainly, they come into play as a form of encouragement: "this is your story," so do what you want to do. "This is my story," so I'll decide the way things go. Which, I think, is a pretty good message. これはオレの物語だ, or "This is my story" is the full quote I'm pulling this from.

Not to mention the fact that it also references this rather nice piece of music:



(Sure, I could have used my nifty music player thing, but... I didn't want to. So there.)

This option is probably a lot more easily identified as nerdy, though. Oh well, since when has that bothered me.

... well, I said not ten, and twelve is certainly not ten. In some cultures, I'm sure that twelve is, indeed, so far beyond ten that the two don't even bear comparison!

Don't you love it when I try to justify laziness with cultural awareness?

Anyway, I guess that I'll leave things here for now. Be sure to tune in later, when surely I'll have thought up more options, all of them sillier and more obscure than the last!

... You know, it's really going to suck when I have to actually choose one.

This is Edo, signing off thinking that she might just be making things harder on herself.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Customer service at its finest! (高級のカスタマーサービスやで!)

Well, I did mention the possibility of breaking the theme I had set up for myself over the past week or so; it is a little foolish to restrict myself to a certain set of posting possibilities, when the potential for new ideas is simply endless.

And, you know, the fact that I do tend to get bored with things.

And since I have spent the last hour or so trying to figure out who to share my exciting new information with, I figured that I would, metaphorically, kill two birds with one stone: share the information with the entire internet, and come up with an exciting new blog topic in the process.

I never cease to amaze myself.

As many of you may already know, I am heading off to Japan to begin my new job in Mie come mid-August. As such, I of course needed to buy myself some flights; swimming over, after all, is only fun for the first hour or so. Therefore, after cruising through Expedia for some time, I narrowed it down to two choices: an expensive but reasonable set of ANA flights, with one layover in SFO and one in NRT, or a slightly more expensive Hawaiian/JAL combination with only one layover in Honolulu.



I admit that I was tempted by the cheapness and mileage possibilities of the first plan (I currently have miles with US Airways, who are partnered with ANA), but the more I thought about it... the more I really, really didn't want to have to make two stops. And really, it wasn't that much more money to purchase myself some peace of mind, and possibly one less trip through customs. So, in the end, I went for the shorter and easier route--which, as a bonus, is a 6 hour + 8 hour flight combo, as opposed to a 2 hour + 11 hour + 2 hour whopper that surely would have left me reeling.

(OK, so either will leave me reeling, but shhh.)



However, wooed as I was by shorter flying times and less stops, I was still not truly convinced that I had made the proper choice--I am nothing if not horribly horribly cheap, and new nothing about the two airlines I would be flying. I have made all my previous domestic Japanese flights with ANA, and have found them to be lovely--the only thing I know about JAL, however, is all that trouble with bankruptcy and that their flight attendants are top notch (thought that one may simply be hearsay from late-night Japanese television, especially considering I can find no articles backing me up). It was that first ugly "bankruptcy" bit that had me dubious; other than that, I truly had no idea what to think about JAL. I have heard that Hawaiian is one of the best airlines out there in terms of comfort and service--this remains to be seen; at present, they seem to be miserly, scrounging charlatans desperate to grasp every last penny from my threadbare pocket, and I am beginning to regret associating with them. I shall keep you updated as I continue my attempts to work things out. Nope, nope, it's official. They're charging me $55 minimum for the pleasure of checking my bags with them, simply because the international portion of my flight is with another airline. Do your best to steer clear of these guys, as they are punishing customers for disloyalty due to circumstance and flight patterns.

And now back to your regularly scheduled blog post.




But let me tell you now; if they can come anywhere close to delivering what they promise on their website, I will be one happy customer.

First of all, confirmation that yes, there will be personal television screens for each passenger. You might think this is a bit extravagant, but for anyone who's made on of those trans-Pacific jumps, you know how vital they can be in cutting the tedium--especially when you can't sleep in airplanes. The last flight I took from Japan to the US (with United, ugh) did not provide this luxury (nor indeed any flight attendants who spoke a lick of Japanese) and I certainly felt the strain; especially since I had the unfortunate of being seated by a bulkhead, and thus was relegated to craning my neck to stare up at a screen approximately nine inches wide ten feet above my head if I wanted any sort of airline-provided entertainment.

... Can you tell I'm still bitter about that flight? Maybe the KIX-SFO route is not the best to take.

Anyway, the TV screens on the back of my flight, come August? The JAL website allows me to peruse the entertainment offerings already (though admittedly the audio options won't be posted until around the 20th), and guess what. At a minimum, I have eleven bloody movies to choose from. Eleven, not to mention three non-movie video channels! Two of the films are in Japanese, and both look like something I'd be interested in! Eight hours? Pfah! I laugh at your eight hours!

And hey, remember how a number of US airlines are now making you pay for meals and beverages? (Never fly Allegiant, by the way--those are some cheap suckers right there, not to mention short-sighted.) Not JAL, my friends!

Admittedly, United did provide us with free meals on that KIX-SFO flight, but... really. It was only food in the loosest sense of the phrase. And true, JAL may provide similar fare, but it certainly looks pretty, doesn't it? Not to mention the promise of free tea. I love tea. Tea makes everything better.

And, of course, free bottled water. You think that's no big deal, but Allegiant was charging you two bucks a bottle. After charging us forty bucks per checked piece of luggage. Get with the program, America-land. Dehydrated passengers are not happy passengers, and happy passengers don't rebook with you any time soon.

(I am curious about that Sky Oasis snacky deal... although it specifically says not with Hawaiian routes. Darn. I hope they bend the rules for us, since we're flying through Chubu.)

Although I guess nothing beats British Airways, who gives you free booze on trans-Atlantic flights and can't understand why no one else does... Neither can I, come to think of it. If there's any time you need free booze, it's when you're crossing an ocean 30,000 feet up. Especially those of us who, as mentioned, can't sleep in airplanes.

But wait, there's more! Feeling a little frumpy? Have a pleasant night kit, complete with slippers! The only downside is you can't pick your color... wait, that's a downside? They're giving you free stuff, for crying out loud!

And look! They give you medicine, too! None of this silly American no-medication-for-fear-of-lawyers nonsense; if you have a headache on JAL, they will give you some asprin, gosh darnit! If your tummy hurts, they will whip out some Pepto (or the Japanese equivalent, I suppose) post-haste, no questions asked and no law-suits worried over! (You know, the American propensity to sue at the slightest provocation is legendary in Japan... it freaks them out a little. We are pretty ridiculous, you know.)

... I love these people already.

Nope, nope, I am thoroughly convinced that I made the right choice--so much so that I signed up with the JAL Mileage Bank program. (Really, though, that's just smart--US Airways is with Star Alliance, and JAL is with oneworld, so with the two accounts, I really have all my bases covered, no?)

I'll have to get back to you when I experience first-hand the wonders of a trans-Pacific JAL flight--I do hope it lives up to my expectations, after all this. Either way, I shall be sure to report my findings accurately for you, dear readers--let me be nothing if not helpful and informative!

(And yes, yes, I know none of it is truly free, and indeed it's owed to me considering how much that stinking one-way ticket cost, but... still. Let me have my little moment of happiness over here. And, of course, let me revel in the fact that it's so much better than stinkin' United.)

This is Edo, signing off still playing around on the JAL site, wondering what else they might give her....